on being unproductive

I feel that in these several recent days I've done nothing meaningful. Stuck in something and made no progress. Just feel horrible somehow.

If this situation would be continuously going on, I think I just merely waste my precious time of the most productive period of my life.

Instead of insisting to move forward, and get stuck, I must step backward, strengthen the foundation and then make a leap jump. Reading some 'ancient' seminal papers is a really good idea. Last time I learnt about a shocking vulnerability exploit. Though it is merely a simple problem on the surface, a deep observation led me to broad fields in computer science. From assembly, memory structure, into security policy. It refreshed and also taught me about the basic knowledge a computer engineer should have.

june afternoon

It has been a tough week last week. However it was also a cherish one, because my paper was accepted :)))). Even though it was not the first, since it summarized more than one year of fully dedicated work, I have a huge sentimental feeling of it.

It was the brightest afternoon of the year in Europe, but I felt that I was somewhere in southern hemisphere, suffering of winter solstice, experienced the darkest evening of the year.

One thing I do learn, among other stuffs, is realizing that love is always beautiful, and I must nurture it to make it even more beautiful.

45 minutes

This time measure often drag me into trouble. Often I thought that 45min is merely 30min plus few minutes, then I take it easy. Finally when the time exceeds a bit of 45min, it sounds like 1 hour, damn I'm late for 1 hour. From now on, I must think that 45min is a quarter to an hour instead of a quarter pass 30min.

Oyama

Just seen this brand again on my way along Manzanares river, after a very long time. So it should be a good brand. When I was child my parents bought me an oyama bmx. Unfortunately this bike had pretty bad fate, immediately the accessories were broken and scratches everywhere. I think it was a bad idea to give a brand new good bike to a child who didn't know how to ride.

young man

It was in a city bus in nothern Italy. A twenty something man with his at most 10 years old brother. Apparently come from low class Italian family. On a very short time stalking, I really admired them. A very touching moment of heartbreaking conversation. How the the little brother reluctantly left his brother, and how the big brother advice him to hurry go to school and tell him that he must go for working. Wisdom is everywhere.

Woman

A touching scene of Bjork's movie last night, "dancer in the dark", made me realize how tough women are. Her child asked her "Why do you keep asking me stupid questions?". I feel really angry and sad to hear that. Angry for the rude question and sad for it somehow resembled myself. Suddenly a really deep sorry clung me. So bad I've treated the woman who always loves me unconditionally.
Forgive me God, forgive me Mom.

A tiny present in women's day.

last updated: 24 March 2011

retrospect

Akhir-akhir ini sering mendengarkan kuliah singkat beberapa peneliti dari berbagai bidang ilmu komputer. Sangat menarik, membuka wawasan dan sangat mengesankan. Namun jika mengingat kondisi tanah air hal semacam ini hanya membuat sedih saja. Ingin rasanya menjadi seperti mereka, namun sepertinya tidak mudah lagi, mengingat keterbatasan background knowledge yang dimiliki, dan berbagai hal lain yang sepertinya merupakan pembenaran akut atas berbagai kemalasan dan kegagalan.

Ketika kuliah S1 saya cuma mediocre yang harus rajin konsultasi kepada para master untuk bisa dapat nilai baik, sehingga saya tahu betul betapa cerdasnya teman2 saya yang lebih pintar. Andai mereka berdiri di depan ruangan seminar menjelaskan penelitiannya, atau duduk mendengarkan kemudian setelah seminar saya bisa tanya mereka seperti masa kuliah dulu. Kadang saya berharap alangkah beruntungnya jika nanti anak2 kita dididik teman2 kita yang cerdas2 itu dan negeri ini dipimpin oleh mereka. Sayangnya dunia nyata tidak selalu menghargai kesetiaan para pencinta ilmu pengetahuan. Tuntutan kebutuhan dan lingkungan membuat mereka harus bekerja untuk Boston, McKinsey, accenture, E&Y, Total, Chevron dan sejenisnya. Walaupun ada pula yang spartan tapi jumlahnya tak seberapa. Beruntung jika jika spartan ini dari kalangan berada, tapi rasanya terlalu berat jika mereka dari kalangan masyarakat biasa.

Mungkin dengan program semacam ini bisa menghibur teman2 yg cerdas ini walaupun cuma sekedar sebuah foto mereka di depan menara eifel atau pisa di profile jaringan sosial. Membuka harapan bahwa kecintaan mereka pada ilmu yang mereka tekuni ada yang menghargai. Siapa tahu nanti mereka akan mewarnai lembaga2 akademik/riset dunia dan 10-20 tahun lagi memanggil adik2 kelasnya untuk bekerja sama, seperti yang dilakukan orang-orang India dan Cina, dimana 20-30 tahun lagi adik2 kelas itu bisa jadi anak2 kita.

Urban Hiking

Yesterday we went hiking to Cercedilla. Very nice, particularly after this very tough week.

I learnt important quote. In hiking sometimes I should look back, watching beautiful scene that I've passed, that might be unseen when I moved advance. I may thankful for how far I have hiked and arrive to certain point, then finally conclude that I shall also reach the peak. However sometimes I should not force myself to reach the peak when there's a sign not to do so, for it may endanger myself or ruin the nature. I think life is just like that.

Environment kills the mind

h o p e

This word apparently lost from today's vocabulary, or the meaning has been changed in such a very narrow way. The antecedent of this is terrible. No hope is caused by no believe. It is a disaster on "religious" society.

Living in such kind of society is really strange. They worship God, believe in him, but in the real life they act the contrary. Idealism is dead.

It's easier to go, it's so much easier to run.

But I won't run!

Given the choice between the experience of pain and nothing, I would choose pain. William Faulkner

resistance is futile!

acer: asli cepat rusak.

That's really true. Zero, I got a dead pixel on the screen from the beginning. First, I got problem with the charger/adapter in less than six months, fortunately they gave me a new one, even though I had to threatened them with law suit because they said my adapter was fake. Second, I lost electricity on my battery. Third, it constantly hang due to horizontal position changing, that force me to treat my mobile laptop as portable desktop. Four, I plug the hardisk off and boot from a usb disk dongle, I made my hardisk as external hardisk until now. Five, I didn't boot at all. From the sound I suspected it might be the DVD/CD-ROM, since I didn't have any moving parts except the fan. So I plug the CD-ROM. This picture is the destructive result.

e rosso

I saw a nice things on the road. It was red light when a woman with her son passed by ignoring it. Her son yelled protesting her "E ROSSO!" (en:It is red). The woman was mumbling something, but the child kept yelling "E ROSSO!" until I couldn't hear them. Education.

e d u c a t i o n !

Pescheria

This morning I bought some fish for nutrition upgrade. There was an old woman ordered a small slice of fish meat. It was expensive, so the woman said that she only want a small slice. Unfortunately the smallest slice is still quite big for her, and the vendor didn't want to cut it smaller. The woman protested and just leaved the shop, meanwhile the vendor has weighted, packed the fish and made the bill. Yes it happened, in europe.

glorious sarapan

sekul wadang, blendrang terong campur bung, kaliyan dadar tigan. sinambi midangetaken Romeo und Julia saking Peter Tschaikowsky, ingkang dipun asta dening Berliner Philharmoniker, dipun pandegani dening Herbert von Karajan, dalemipun pinggir margi celak bale dusun :D. 100% analog mboten ngagem bit/byte utawi transistor.

mangga dipun sekecakaken.

Subhanallah

Membaca berita antara tentang tentara yang hafal Al-Quran rasanya jadi malu, padahal punya lebih banyak waktu dan kemudahan. Sudah berkali-kali berusaha tapi kok ya tidak bisa istiqomah. Ada aja alasan untuk berhenti, sementara sulit sekali membuat alasan untuk melanjutkan lagi.

h o p e

They don't need money

They need hope
They need courage
They need leader

They need you

hablum minan naas

Interaction between human and other human.

Yesterday in a bus I saw a hurt feeling scene. A bearded "moslem look like" young man, who didn't know how to behave. He seated without awareness of people around him. Instead of giving his seat to old man or old woman he ignorantly clung his seat and let them stand up. I wonder what is in his head? If he is a muslim it will be a bad image of this wonderful religion. Moreover for sure he is not a good muslim who is taught how to behave among fellow human.

Ironically the native people I met are really much more nicer(this super superlative is intended to emphasized the situation). An old woman who kindly took me to my direction when I asked her and a young woman who come to me and show me how to reach the halte when I was in confusion eventhough I didn't ask her! Amazing.

Ironic.

Christmas morning train

Several days ago I took morning train to go back from a holiday trip. It was 06.30 am to 07.00 am, two days before Christmas. The train stop at every station, it is such kind of regional train. In some small station before the town many students (elementary till senior highschool) get on the train.

Somehow I felt so proud of them, that time the sun was not even rise, sunrise would be one hour later. They are great students. I felt my childhood is nothing compare to theirs. Some glimps of my pass suddenly hit my mind, until it was broken by a beautiful moment across my seat. A pretty little girl received some gifts from her fellow friends. She smiled beautifully that made her looked more beautiful, then said "danke", and then I didn't understand the rest of their conversations.

A gift, a Christmas gift, I thinked. Then I eyed other students, they seemed brought many things in their bags. Beautiful morning view, and I thought it would be more beutiful when they exchange the gifts among their friends.

benvenuto in

farewell

is it true?

Yes it is!

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